Up to Heaven
by Puritina
Summary: Darcy has a severe disease and there's nothing that she can do about it.Her prayers, teachings, faith, and boyfriend keep her strong. But when she leaves the Earth Spinner has a hard time coping with it.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** This is a story basically about Spinner finding God, through Clare's help. I hope that you guys enjoy it. I don't own Degrassi or any of it's characters. Also I know that Darcy and Spinner weren't the last people together but for the sake of this story they got back together. Plus, I don't like the Spemma thing very much.

**Summary: **Even with her being severely ill she still found a reason to be happy. She had Spinner and she was in love but when she leaves the Earth how will Spinner deal with it?

I'm Ready to Go- Chapter 1

Darcy's POV

I lay down in the hospital bed feeling weak and weary. It was getting worse and every day the doctors weren't even sure what my illness was. But I was stuck to a machine, to be kept alive. I was ready to go though. I was so much closer to reaching heaven; The only thing that kept me going besides my faith was my boyfriend Spinner. He stayed beside me and helped me through everything. In my darkest hours he was there. My skin, was paler now, and I was always sleeping. But I still prayed everyday; I didn't blame God for this at all. As I was deep in thought with my eyelids half closed Spinner came up to me with flowers, yellow daisies to be exact and he set them on a table near my bed and grabbed my hand gently.

"How are you feeling?" Spinner said in hopes that I would say that I was alright and that I was going to get better. But I think he knew that he would never hear that.

"I'm doing worse and worse every day." I said with a chuckle.

"How is that funny?" Spinner said bitterly.

"Spinner, if it's my time to go I will go." I said softly, hoping that he would understand.

His fist clenched as he tried not to cry, "You can fight this though. Please fight this, I can't lose you."

"Spinner, I have lived life. Don't be sad; be happy that I'm going to haven.- I coughed lightly- When you die you aren't gone forever, you're just going to a better place. You have kept me so strong through everything. But now I think it's time for me to go. I will go to him willingly." I said gently touching Spinner's hand.

Spinner closed his eyes to wash out the tears then looked at me. I knew he didn't want to hear what I said be he had to. Filling the silence I began to speak.

"Spinner I have something for you. This was given to me by my mom. I want you to have it, so that you can remember me and God when I go away." I whispered, handing him a cross necklace that shined brighter than the sun.

He shook his head, "I can't take that from you Darcy."

I grabbed his hand and placed the necklace in his hand.

"I have to go, but I will be back in a couple of hours." Spinner said walking away.

"Bye, I love you." I said. He kissed my foreheard and walked away after saying I love you too.

And I think it was then when I realized that I would probably never see him again.

**Review please. I know it was kind of short but the next chapter will pick up a little bit.**


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: **Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI (Nor do I intend to)**

A Better Place- Chapter 2

Darcy's POV

I watched him leave and closed my eyes as I thought back on all of the times we spent together. I remember our fights and our make ups. A tear rolled down my eye as I thought about when he had first discovered that I was ill. He tried his hardest not to cry but I could see the pain in his eyes. After he had left I knew in my heart that it would be the last time I was going to see him. My heart beat started to slow down, my breaths became short and my hands were shaking. Doctors were called when they realized that I was dying. I just lay there, letting it all happen. I was ready to go, to a better place. All together everything stopped. It went black and I could fill my heart beat no longer. Then I entered a bright light. I was in heaven. Among people like me, I smiled. I felt no pain, no sorrow, and no regrets. I felt innocent of everything that I had ever done. I saw God, it was and is amazing. There I saw familiar faces, and unfamiliar faces. I was happier, I couldn't cry. For what was there to cry about?

"Darcy, I am proud of you. You may enter the gate of heaven." A voice said.

I turned around to see God smiling at me. He took me by the hand and led me in. Oh it was beautiful the diamond filled palace, the people laughing and having a good time. I sat there and relaxed to the music, even humming along. This was the life that I was waiting for.

Spinner's POV

I left the hospital looking at the cross that she had given me. I put it around my neck hesitantly. I didn't want her to go. I was in love with her. As I was driving back at around 7:30 I walked into the hospital, expecting to see a dying girl right in front of me. But instead I saw a dead girl. The nurses said that they had tried everything but couldn't do much because they were not sure what the illness was. I cried so much that it hurt. I knew it was going to happen sometime but I just couldn't accept the fact that she was gone. I looked at her face; there was no life in her anymore. I felt no heartbeat; I knew that she was gone forever.

**Review! More chapters to come.**


	3. Chapter 3

Dead and Gone- Chapter 3

Spinner's POV

I waited at the hospital for a little over 10 minutes still not getting over it. She was doing so well, she had come back from Kenya a better person and now she was gone. I saw Clare and her parents come in teary eyed. Clare was crying hysterically as her mom patted he back saying that she was in a better place now. I really hoped that there was a better place, and that I would one day see her again. Of course why would I get to go to heaven? I had done so much wrong and I was still confused if there really was a heaven. I remember Darcy telling me that all I needed to do was ask him into my heart. I looked at her like she was ridiculous; maybe just maybe she was right though. Clare hugged her parents tightly I walked over to them calmly.

"I'm really sorry for your lost." I said still teary eyed.

"Thank you. I-I heard a lot about you, she probably meant a lot to you too." Clare said wiping her eyes.

"You have no idea." I said eyeing her. She looked so different now. She didn't have any glasses on and her hair was cut, she was pretty though. When I looked at her though they looked nothing alike, I would see Darcy's face to the point where I had to say goodbye and be on my way.

I left the hospital with tears still rolling down my eyes. The only thing that made me happy was gone, forever. I really had no reason to live now**.**

**Review please even if you thought it was horrible!**


	4. Chapter 4

Comfort- Chapter 4

Spinner's POV

I walked out of the hospital crying. I was so upset; I went to the place that I remembered her talking about. Her church, I pulled up to the empty church and walked inside nervously. I felt as if I didn't deserve to be there. The church was silence and dark. I sat walked up to the stage where the preacher would usually be. Why I was here, I had no idea. But I bowed my head and closed my eyes, as if it was natural and I did it every day.

_If there is a God up there, I pray that Darcy is safe. I really hope there is a heaven and that you exist. Otherwise I'd just be talking to myself. I'm still very unsure about you, but Darcy was always sure. She never doubted or questioned. Maybe that is why when she died she died a happy person. I know that I'm going to Hell if you are real, but I pray that Darcy doesn't. She didn't always make the right choices, but she really does deserve to be up there. Can't you just bring her back though? I've heard that you can lift people from the dead. So why can't you that for her._

"It's not a matter of why can't he. He can do anything and everything. It's a matter of why won't he." A familiar voice said.

I spun my head around quickly. I couldn't believe that she was here.


	5. Chapter 5

Teach Me How- Chapter 5

Spinner's POV

"Clare? What are you doing here?" I said blinking my eyes hard.

"I sometimes come here at night when I'm upset or need someone to talk to." She said walking up towards me.

"What about your parents?" I said.

"As put together as they look, they're falling apart each day. They fight all the time, and are probably getting a d-divorce." She said as tears went down her eyes.

I tried to avoid her eyes for it was still too painful. But I wrapped my arm around her and let her know that I was there for her.

"So why are you here?" She said wiping her eyes.

I went back to the chair and sat there in silence before speaking.

"Darcy use to always talk about her church. I had never been in here but I wanted to go and see why she was so happy even with an ill disease." I said shakily.

"She really loved God. But it's more than just love, its belief and you can't doubt it." She said with a small smile on her face.

"How do you know he's there?" I said looking up at her now.

"Because of everything on the earth Spinner, he made the sun and the skies. Come to church on Sunday and I'll show you." Clare said leaving the church.

**I hope this will help me somehow.**


	6. Chapter 6

Clear Your Mind- Chapter 6

Spinner's POV

I stayed at the church for a while, and then I went to my car. It was darker now and almost midnight. I hopped in my car contemplating on whether or not I should go to church on Sunday. I decided on going, Darcy would probably be so happy right now. I looked up at the sky once I got out of the car, expecting to see Darcy's face but all I saw was darkness everywhere. I walked into my house and relaxed on the couch for a little while, I couldn't go to sleep right now. I let the tears roll down my eyes as I laid there on couch. I felt like dying, why is it that the important things in my life have to go? I closed my eyes trying my hardest to fall asleep. After all tomorrow would be time for me to go to church.

_Meanwhile with Clare_

Clare's POV

I walked into the house and saw my parents sitting on the couch together. That was a pleasant surprise.

"Hi you guys, what's going on?" I said as I came to sit by them.

They both had tears in their eyes and I could see that the tissue box was all used up.

"Honey, I'm glad you're home. Are you okay?" My mom asked.

"I'll never be okay with the fact that she is gone. I know she's in a better place though, and you guys?" I said looking at the empty tissue box.

"We are both fine, we had a long talk about it." My Dad said.

"I'm surprised you two talked. I mean it's been a while since I haven't come home to yelling or throwing of the dishes," I said bitterly.

"We are really sorry to put you through that. I think now that she's gone, it's brought us closer together though." My mom said looking me in the eye.

"Yeah for now." I mumbled.

"What was that Clare Bear?" My Dad said.

"Nothing, I'm going upstairs." I said with a sigh, walking slowly to my room.

I got in my room and jumped on my bed. I cried into my pillow softly, I was trying to let go I really was but I just didn't know how I was going to function with her gone. I loved her so much.

**Review! **


	7. Chapter 7

Sunday- Chapter 7

Spinner's POV

I walked into the church; I was five minutes early so I sat there silently as my hands shake. I turned my head to see Clare and her parents enter the church and a few other people as well. She says something to her parents and then walks over to me with a bright smile that reminds of how happy Darcy used to be before she died.

"Hey Spinner, I'm really glad that you came." Clare said taking a seat by me.

"Yeah, I'm not sure if I'll understand much but it's worth a shot." I said laughing.

She laughed as well and then took a small Bible out of her hand.

"Here, I thought that you'd like it." Clare said placing it in my hand.

"Thanks." I said as I received the gift.

"You're welcome and just remember really try to listen to what the preacher is saying. I think that you'll understand and if you don't you can ask me questions after the sermon." She said with a smile as she walked back over to her parents.

I'm lucky to have her here. I think she'll really help me understand.

The preacher came through and we all sat down. People hummed and sang the worship songs; some even got up and danced. I stood there watching everyone; I felt out of place but stayed anyways.

The music stopped and everyone sat back down.

"I'll begin today with a prayer." The preacher said as everyone bowed their heads.

"Dear heavenly Father, thank you for this day and for everything that you have done for this church. I pray for the newcomers here who want God to come into their life Lord, that they will find salvation today Lord. I pray that people will be able to fully understand the teachings today. In Jesus name Amen." The preacher finished opening his eyes.

"Now if everyone will turn their Bibles to 1 Timothy chapter 1." He said.

The teachings went by slow, I didn't understand a word. I just sat there, trying my hardest to listen. I thought I would feel a connection or something, but nothing clicked. The sermon ended and I sat there confused. Clare walked over towards me.

"So are there any questions about the sermon today?" She said.

"Yeah, a lot actually I'm not going to lie I really didn't understand a thing." I confessed.

She laughed and sat beside me.

"It's okay we'll go over it, want to go to the park?" Clare said.

"Sure that sounds great thanks Clare." I said.

"No problem let me just go tell my parents." She said getting up from the seat.

**Review! Sorry if it was boring but it's the beginning of there friendship.**


	8. Chapter 8

Teachings- Chapter 8

Spinner's POV

I walked with her to a park nearby and found us a seat on the benches.

"Okay so which part didn't you understand?" Clare said.

"Just about everything." I confessed.

"Okay let's take a look here, the main thing you need to understand is the probably some of the verses I highlighted here. Verse seven says, For God has not given us a spirit of timidity but of power, love and self-discipline." She read.

"Does that mean he doesn't want us to be afraid?" I asked confused.

"You're on the right track Spinner. It basically means that In order for us to lift up Jesus, we must learn how to deal with these areas in a scriptural way because fear and its many manifestations can paralyze a Christian and the church." She stated.

"Okay I think I get it, please go on." I said smiling now.

We continued to read from the Bible, I listened to it as if each minute could break or make my life. Well I guess in a way it could. We departed and went on her merry way. I stayed at the park for a while thinking things through. I looked up to the skies and started talking, though people gave me weird stares I didn't care.

_Hey Darcy, I know that you're up there; in heaven I mean. Your sister well, she's really helping me out. I think it eases her mind a bit when she is teaching people, she would be a great preacher. Anyways I love you and I just wanted to see how you were doing._

Tears dropped down my face as I looked back down to the ground. I still missed her, I needed her. We were really the only people that I think could tolerate each other. My phone rang and I picked it up slowly. Wait, why was she calling?


	9. Chapter 9

Two Steps Forwards and One Step Back- Chapter 9

Spinner's POV

I answered my phone quickly.

"Jane, umm hi how are you?" I said.

"I'm doing well, I heard about Darcy. I'm really sorry I know how much she meant to you." Jane said with sympathy.

"How did you hear about that?" I asked.

"I have my ways, anyways just wanted to check on you and make sure you're not doing anything stupid." Jane said.

"Well I'm not, bye Jane." I said.

"Oh ok well goodbye." Jane said hanging up.

_Weeks Later_

Spinner's POV

Weeks had passed by and I was doing really well. I was praying, and reading my bible. I and Clare were becoming good friends but then one night as I sat on my couch about to pray a voice popped inside my head.

She's gone Spinner, gone forever. No amount of prayers or readings that you do will ever change that.

It hurt me; over and over again it repeated itself. I went in my refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. I had given up and let the voices win. I drank and drank until I passed out falling on the hard kitchen floor. Everything just went dark, I woke up in a hospital bed.

How did I get here?


	10. Chapter 10

Bruises and Talks - Chapter 10

Spinner's POV

I woke up and my vision was blurry. All I could see was white, everywhere. My head hurt so much, I touched the top of my head and I felt a wrapping around it.

"Spinner, are you up?" A girl said.

I blinked my eyes hard and I could see again. It was Clare, the beautiful Darcy Edwards sister.

"Yes, I-I'm up what am I doing here?" I asked.

"Well I went to go see you, because I wanted to ask you if you wanted to maybe become a member of the church. When I came to your house, I saw you on the floor knocked out, so I called the hospital and now you're here." She said with a sad look as she sat down on the chair that was closest to me.

"How, did you find me?" I asked.

"I have my ways Spinner but the more important question is why did I find you knocked out and the floor?" She asked.

"I- I'm sorry. I tried I really did I just, the voices inside my head. They hurt me so bad so I drank and drank to get rid of it. All it did though was give me a head-ache and a-

"Slightly cracked skull?" Clare interrupted.

"Yeah that." I said with a sigh.

"Well, get some rest. Obviously you can't get out of the hospital today." Clare said getting up.

"Clare." I said before she left out of the door.

"Yes, Spinner?" She said.

"How do you do it?" I asked her.

"Do what?" Clare asked confused.

"Go day by day, without thinking about her. Without wishing so badly that she was here?" I asked as tears came from my eyes.

"It's hard Spinner believe me. I still think about her every day, I still wish she was here. But then I remember that I need to be strong. For myself, for my parents. For you. I know the voices you're talking about Spinner, I hear them every day. But you have ignored them, and remember that God is with her and she is leaving peacefully there forever. And that one day you will go there too and be with her." Clare said as her voice cracked, she was holding back her tears.

"Well, if you can be strong I can be strong too. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I'm always here Clare." I said looking at her with sympathy.

"Now I know what Darcy saw in you. How did you become such a good guy Spinner?" Clare asked.

"I was changed by a beautiful girl and her caring sister." I said truthfully.

She left the hospital with a smile. I was glad to see her smile for once.

**Review! Sappy? Out of character? Constructive Criticism is welcome.**


	11. Chapter 11

Healing- Chapter 11

Spinner's POV

After weeks and weeks of me staying in the hospital bed I was finally able to get out. I was starting over, a brand new start. I overcame the voices, I went to church and of course Clare helped me through everything. One day I looked up to the sky at night and swore that I had just saw Darcy but I shook it off. I'll be with her one day were the thoughts that kept entering my head now. The voices stopped after a year of going to church and ignoring them. I was happy that I could hear them no longer. I looked at the cross that Darcy gave me. I knew where she was, in a better place. And, regardless of what I did in the past, I knew that I would one day be with her.

Clare's POV

After spending weeks and more weeks with Spinner I could see how much he had changed. My parents told me that Darcy would be proud. Man how much I missed Darcy; she was the only one that stopped my parents from arguing every night. But now I ignored the foolish arguments, I focused on helping Spinner and I really did help him. He is so different now, and I think that we've both grown on each other. His voices had stopped, and I was happy for him. Though mine hadn't I knew how to ignore them by saying that she's in a better place.

**Last Chapter? I think so, but you tell me. Review please!**


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